Fraternity Booted Off Campus for FaceOnBody Hijinks

MADISON, WISCONSIN – The administration of the University of Wisconsin announced earlier today that, effective immediately, it was revoking Alpha Tau Sigma’s charter due to the fraternity’s obsession with hilarious picture-making software FaceOnBody.

Dean Harold K. Mold cited Alpha Tau Sigma’s sixteen consecutive semesters as the Greek system’s lowest ranked fraternity – both in terms of grade point average and personal hygiene – as the principal cause for the fraternity’s ejection. In an official statement released this morning, Dean Mold also made ample reference to the fraternity house’s decrepit condition, describing the house’s odor as “so offensive, even the rats scurry away when they wander by.”

According to Dean Mold, excessive use of FaceOnBody seems to be at the root of the brotherhood’s decline from the campus’s Community Service All-Stars only four years ago.

Often referred to as AT Smegma by rival fraternities, ATS allegedly humiliated certain members of its pledge class by putting their faces on the bodies of the Dove soap girls. “I agree that FaceOnBody is hilarious but there’s a time and a place for everything,” commented Dean Mold.

A source close to Dean Mold stated that the ultimate catalyst for ATS’s ejection from campus was an image allegedly created by the fraternity in which the dean was depicted in a graphic sexual pose with ATS’s bandana-clad retriever Molson. Images of this foul academic bestiality were then posted on billboards throughout the university’s campus, though members of Alpha Tau Sigma deny any responsibility.

Asked if the brothers of Alpha Tau Sigma would consider giving up their FaceOnBody addiction, bathing and returning to class, Alpha Tau Sigma’s social chairman Jim “Zero-Point-Zero” Quigley simply stated, “That’s like asking us to give up beer.”

Excessive FaceOnBody Usage Causes Rolling Blackouts in Turkey

ISTANBUL, TURKEY – Rolling blackouts were reported early Thursday morning in much of Eastern Turkey according to the Turkish Press Association. Sources within the government cited excessive use of hilarious picture-creating software FaceOnBody as the likely culprit for the blackouts.

“I make funny picture of all my wives’ faces on Pussycat Dolls’ bodies!” exclaimed camel herder Osman Faruk, referring to the super-hot girl group best known for the single ‘Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me’. Like Mr. Faruk, it seems much of the Turkish population has grown infatuated with FaceOnBody in recent weeks creating a major nuisance for the country’s aging power grid.

Experts foresee no immediate let up to the Turkish FaceOnBody obsession. “Unfortunately for Turkey’s power grid, there are nearly infinite combinations of camels, donkeys and cultural icons from the West,” cautions Professor Herman Gray, an expert in Middle Eastern Studies at Columbia University.

At one point, power was diverted from several city hospitals in order to keep FaceOnBody running in Internet cafes in downtown Istanbul. “FaceOnBody will set back our acceptance into the European Union by many years,” said Turkey’s minister of public utilities Sami Evren in an official statement. “This would bother me if only FaceOnBody weren’t so darn funny,” Mr. Evren lamented.

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Unruly Crowds Line Up to Buy FaceOnBody

PARIS, FRANCE – Once again obsessed with all things American, the French have embraced FaceOnBody, the hot new software that allows users to manipulate digital photographs into hysterical images, with epic proportions. Crowds lined the Champs-Elysees early Tuesday morning to display and share the hilarious images they created.

An official statement released this morning by Jean-David LeVitte, France’s ambassador to the United States, stated, “We ask that the United States stop importing such hilarious material to our country. We do not need another corruption of culture by the Americans.” Apparently enraged at FaceOnBody’s affront to French culture, LeVitte added later in the day, “When I track down the creators of FaceOnBody, I will personally beat them about the head with my baguette.”

“I cannot wait to pose myself with such American heroes as Jerry Lewis and Steven Segal,” shouted Jean Jacques Luc, one of the few on-hand Tuesday who had not yet tried FaceOnBody. “There is a new revolution in France,” continued Mr. Luc, “and this time we are laughing instead of beheading people!”

Though no serious injuries were reported at the FaceOnBody rally, a croissant hurled boomerang-style at a bystander did, according to sources, leave a “very nasty” butter stain.

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